What are you doing?
by lighthouse11
Summary: Drabble/short-story series. Modern Day AU. 21 - Morgana's been using Arthur's things again, and Arthur's not impressed, again. No slash.
1. Mario Kart

**Note: I do not own Merlin, PlayStation or Mario Kart.**

Morgana knew she'd find Arthur in the mess room. As she walked towards it, she could hear his voice echoing down the hall.

"This is crap! Gwaine blows me up ever time! This is a stupid game!"

They must be playing COD, Morgana thought. Arthur sucked at that. But when she entered the mess room, she got quite a surprise. Arthur, Gwaine, Leon and Merlin, four of the most highly trained special ops soldiers, were not playing COD at all. They were playing Mario Kart.

"What are you doing?" Morgana asked, going and sitting on the edge of the couch.

"I just got the new edition of Mario Kart." Gwaine grinned at her. "And Arthur cannot play at all."

"Is Arthur Princess Peach?" Morgana asked, looking at the screen.

"Gwaine picked the stupid characters and gave me the stupid girl." Arthur said. He was not in a good mood at all.

"Well you play worse than a girl!" Gwaine said. Leon and Merlin were trying hard not to laugh, knowing that Arthur would probably bash them if they did.

"I do not! This game is just stupid and I've got the crap controller!" Arthur complained banging his controller on the coffee table.

"Settle down, Arthur!" Morgana laughed. "It's just a PlayStation game!"

"It's a stupid game, and we're playing Wii, Morgana, not PlayStation." Arthur grumbled. Morgana rolled ehr eyes. Arthur continued, "Why can't we just play FIFA 2010?"

"Why, because you only suck at FIFA most of the time, instead of all of it?" Gwaine teased. Arthur threw his controller down and jumped on Gwaine. Morgana decided she'd best leave the boys to it.


	2. Twitter

**Note: I'd no not own Merlin, Twitter or Mario Cart. I couldn't figure out how to make the "at" sign work on ff, so i've used "%" before character's names instead.**

ArthurPendragon: I love my sister %TheLadyMorgana so much. She's a much better fighter than me. I also make %MerlinE put my toothpaste on my toothbrush.

Gwaine32: %ArthurPendragon HAHAHAHAHA. Go %TheLadyMorgana! But you forgot to add how terrible he is at #MarioKart

AthurPendragon: I also suck at Mario Kart. %TheLadyMorgana would beat me easily at that too.

MerlinE: %TheLadyMorgana, %ArthurPendragon is going to kill you… #youredead

MerlinE: And I don't put the toothpaste on %ArthurPendragon's toothbrush. #thatwouldbeweird

TheLadyMorgana: %MerlinE I'm not worried about him :D

ArthurPendragon: %TheLadyMorgana WHY WERE YOU ON MY LAPTOP? STAY OUT OF MY ROOM! #Ihatemysister

Gwaine32: Hahahaha %ArthurPendragon. Settle down mate :D

TheLadyMorgana: %ArthurPendragon I wasn't in your room. Maybe you should have a less obvious password ;) #mybrotherissothick

ArthurPendragon: This is not over %TheLadyMorgana….

TheLadyMorgana: %ArthurPendragon bring it on little bro XD #youcannotwinthis


	3. Breakfast

Merlin watched as Arthur literally piled food onto his tray. Merlin could _never _eat _that_ much for breakfast. So far, Arthur had on his tray four pieces of toast, plus two pieces of fruit bread, three eggs (two fried and one boiled), four rashes of bacon, four sausages, a very generous spoonful of baked beans, two mushrooms and four pieces of cooked tomato.

"What are you doing?" Merlin asked Arthur, as he watched the blonde boy pour cereal into a bucket-sized bowl.

"What does it look like, Merlin? I'm pouring myself cereal." Arthur had been in a bad mood ever since they'd got up. Merlin wasn't entirely sure why he was in the foul mood, and he knew he shouldn't push Arthur, especially before Arthur had eaten his breakfast, but Merlin just couldn't help himself.

"It might be easier just to take the whole box next time." Merlin said. Arthur just huffed and went about pouring a large amount of milk onto his cereal. "They're not running out of breakfast, you know. It will be here again tomorrow."

Arthur just ignored Merlin, and began picking out which fruit he wanted.

"And we will be getting lunch in what, five and a half hours? Special Ops is pretty good at not letting us starve."

"Merlin, as your superior officer, I would really appreciate it if you would shut-up." Arthur said, unable to ignore Merlin's comments anymore and began covering sausages in brown sauce.

"Would you like some sausage with your brown sauce?" Merlin muttered.

"Merlin…" Arthur warned, taking a whole carton of orange juice.

"Leave some for the rest of the squad."

"_Mer_lin…" Arthur took a cup of tea and six squares of butter.

"Lucky we're not on war rations or anything…"

"_Merlin_!" Arthur had finally snapped.

"Shutting up!" Merlin grinned.


	4. Driving

Merlin sat in the backseat of the car, wedged between Gwaine and Leon.

"Why do I always have to sit in the middle?" Merlin complained.

"Because you're the smallest." Arthur replied, from the comfort of the front passenger seat.

"Morgana's smaller than me."

"Yes, but I drive." Morgana smiled.

"Why doesn't anyone else ever get to drive?" Merlin asked. Everyone else sighed.

"We've been through this, Merlin." Arthur said.

"Gwaine drives too fast," Morgana said, "Leon drives too slow and Arthur gets road-rage at everything."

"What about me, then?"

"Merlin, do you remember that incident with you reversing the car, and the pole, and the fact that it was broad daylight?" Arthur asked.

"Or that fact that you cannot park between the lines to save yourself?" Leon added.

"Or that time you stalled the car and the car was an _automatic_?" Gwaine said.

"Well why does Arthur always get to sit in the front then?" Merlin moaned.

"Because Merlin," Morgana said, "Gwaine fiddles with all the controls, Leon passenger-seat drives, and, despite the fact that this is a rather large SUV, we physically cannot fit Arthur, Leon and Gwaine in the backseat."

"And Arthur gets carsick." Gwaine grinned. Arthur swung his arm around to smack Gwaine, but hit Merlin instead. Morgana and Leon laughed.

"Don't worry Merlin." Morgana said. "We'll be back at base in another two hours or so." And she smiled to him in the rear-view mirror. Merlin just folded him arms and brooded.


	5. Takeaway

**Note: I do not own Merlin or McDonalds. Bit of a longer one this time. **

The two black SUVs pulled into the car park. It would be long after dinner by time they returned to base, so takeaway was the only option. They all piled out of their respective cars.

"Usual orders, everybody?" Leon asked. Everyone agreed, and Leon headed inside.

"Why does Leon order everyone's food?" Gwen asked, sitting on the hood of one of the cars. "Why don't we just go and get our own?"

"Because," Arthur said, pulling himself up to sit next to her, "It's a lot funnier if we all sit out here and have Leon go and order for the nine of us, rather than the nine of us go in and order for ourselves."

"Besides," Morgana added, "Leon's the only one who can complete the whole transaction without cracking a smile."

"Isn't this a bit childish though?" Gwen asked.

"Lighten up Gweny." Gwaine grinned. "Trust me, it's worth it once you see the cashier's face."

Meanwhile:

"Next please!" said the cashier.

"Hi," said Leon politely. "I'll have a medium quarter-pounder meal with Fanta please."

"Ok." smiled the cashier. "Is that all today, sir?"

"I'll also have three large BigMac Meals, one with Sprite, two large quarter-pounder meals, one medium McChicken meal with diet Coke, one large Grand Angus meal and a large Mighty Angus Meal with Fanta. I'll also have four cheese burgers, three junior burgers, 12 McNuggets, one of those McBites things, an extra two large chips, five apple pies, two chocolate thick shakes, one strawberry thick shake and a Flake McFlurry."

The cashier raced to try to put all this through the computer. "Have in or take-away?" she asked, looking quite flushed.

"Take-away please." Leon said, his face deadly serious. The cashier looked outside where she could see a group of people dressed similar to this man, in black leather jackets and with military hair-styles. Most of them were howling with laughter.

"Feeding an army?" the cashier asked tentatively, while the receipt printed.

"Something like that." Leon answered. "Oh, and you might need some more napkins." He said politely. The girl hadn't noticed him move, but Leon was holding an entire fistful of napkins.

Not long after, Leon went back outside, somehow managing to carry the seven bags of food and three trays of drinks. The nine sorted out who's food was who's, then scrambled back into their respective vehicles.

"Now I understand why Leon's send to order alone." Gwen said, once they were driving again.

"Knew you'd get it." Elyan smiled to her from the passenger's seat. "Has anyone seen any BBQ sauce sachets?"


	6. Middle Names

**Note: I had a bit for fun creating/modernising names for everyone **

The gang were spending a lazy Saturday afternoon hanging out in the mess room. Somehow acronyms came up in conversation.

"So your initials are PHD?" Arthur asked.

"Yep!" Percy said. "Percival Henry Daniels. I think mum and dad wanted me to become a doctor, but instead I'm a bomb specialist and play rugby and drive tanks in my spare time." He grinned.

"Mine are MBE." Merlin said.

"So you're Member of the Order of the British Empire?" Morgana smiled. "It would be funny if you actually got an Order on day."

"Yeah, I know." Merlin said. "Merlin Benjamin Everest."

"You have 'Benjamin' as a middle name, but copped 'Merlin' as your first name?" Arthur teased.

"Yeah, so?" Merlin said, a little embarrassed. "Yours is probably embarrassing too."

"Nah. Arthur Thomas Pendragon. It's a good name."

"Lucky mum picked it though." Morgana said. "Dad wanted to call you Uther Junior. UJ. Ew," She teased, "Mum picked my name too, and I got Morgana Elizabeth. Pretty good."

"Our parents were kind enough to let us never forget that we're actually from Wales." Elyan said. "Elyan Ianto Davies and Gwen Carys Davies. Good luck picking some more Welsh-sounding names."

"Not to mention we were born in Cardiff too." Gwen said. "What about you, Leon?"

"Leon Robert David William Pinkerton-Smith." Leon said proudly.

"And you _are_ part of the peerage?" Gwaine teased. Leon threw a cushion at him.

"What about you Gwaine?" Morgana asked. Gwaine suddenly blushed. Leon grinned.

"Has Gwaine not mentioned that his siblings are Jake, Meg, Sarah and Nick?" Leon asked.

"And you got stuck with _Gwaine_?" Arthur asked, rather amazed.

"Your parents must have _really_ hated you." Elyan teased.

"What's your middle name?" Morgana asked. Gwaine mumbled something.

"_Pardon_?" Arthur asked grinning, knowing that this would be equally as embarrassing for Gwaine as the fact that all his siblings had normal names and he didn't was.

"Gwaine. Humphrey. Ernest. Parks." Gwaine said each word individually, clearly very embarrassed.

"You can never tease me about being part of the peerage again." Leon grinned.

"You pretty much can't tease anyone about anything with a name like that!" Percy tormented.

"You all suck." Gwaine said, and sat there with his arms folded refusing to talk to anyone and sulked.


	7. Paperwork

"But all expense reports were due in last week!" Morgana exclaimed. Somehow, Gwaine had roped her into helping him.

"I know." He said. "That's why I'm doing it now." And flashed her one of his perfect smiles.

Morgana sighed. "Well let's hurry up then, because believe it or not, I've got better things to do than help you with your overdue expense report. What have you bought in the last three months with your own money that is work related?"

"I bought Mario Kart." Gwaine said.

Morgana sighed again. This could take a while, she thought. "You cannot claim Mario Kart. Anything else?"

"I bought two new controllers for the Wii."

"But you used a work credit-card for that." Merlin said, entering the room. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Helping Gwaine with his expense report." Morgana said.

"Weren't they due last week?" Merlin asked, and pulled a chair up to the desk.

"Yep!" Gwaine smiled. "Which is why we're doing it now."

"If you bought the controllers on a work credit card, then you can't claim it. Anything else?" Morgana asked.

"I paid for petrol once." Gwaine said.

"On a work credit-card." Merlin reminded him.

"Oh yeah. Umm, oh! When we were in Paris, I bought dinner with my own money!"

"You ate dinner at L'Astrance, where it's about €150 per meal. Besides, you ate there on our night off, so you can't claim that." Morgana said. Why couldn't Gwaine figure out how expense reports were meant to work?

"You can't really claim anything you did in Paris…" Merlin added.

"Oh!" Gwaine said, getting annoyed. "Well what did _you_ claim then?" he asked.

"I claimed new boots that I bought. For work. I'm wearing them now." Merlin said.

"See," Morgana said, "_That _is the sort of thing you can claim. Not Mario Kart or nights out in Paris." She gave Merlin a small 'thanks' smile.

"Oh! I've got one!" Gwaine said after thinking for a minute, literally jumping out of his seat.

"What?" Merlin and Morgana asked.

"I bought new dress shoes!" he said.

Merlin and Morgana sighed.

"You bought them in Paris." Merlin said.

"And only because you forgot to take your other ones." Morgana added.

"Bugger." Said Gwaine. He sat thinking for another minute, when finally he leapt up again, making Merlin and Morgana jump as well.

"Now what?" Morgana asked.

"Socks!" Gwaine exclaimed. "I bought socks! Look, I'm wearing them now!" he said, and put his leg up on the desk, and pulled up his trousers to show them. "And I wear them for work!"

"Thank goodness!" Morgana said. "Ok, so how much were they?"

"I got a three-park for £2." Gwaine grinned from ear to ear. Merlin and Morgana looked at each other, rolled their eyes and sighed.


	8. A Visitor

**Note: I do not own Merlin, Torchwood or James Bond. Thanks heaps to everyone for the story favourites, alerts and especially reviews! **

"Gwaine, we'll be three hours tops." Arthur said. "You'll be fine."

"Arthur! Morgana! Hurry up!" Leon called.

"Ok, just…you'll be fine." Morgana said, as she and Arthur grabbed their bags and hopped in the car. He could survive for three hours with her, surely. He made his way down to the foyer, where she was sitting, looking quite impatient.

"I've been here for ten minutes." She said, standing up.

"Sorry." Gwaine replied sheepishly.

"I'm sure Arthur and Morgana kept me waiting on purpose." She snapped.

Gwaine just shrugged. "Umm, do you want to come through to the conference room?" he asked. She scared the pants off him and they'd just met. This was going to be a _long_ three hours.

She led the way up the hallway. Crap, she obviously knows her way around, he thought.

"Have you ordered any tea?" she asked, sitting down at the head of the table.

"Umm, no. Do you want me to?" he asked.

"Of course I want you to! Where's Merlin today? He's usually the one who I'm stuck with."

"I think Morgana's punishing me because I made her help me with my expense report."

"Yes, well she's punishing me too, leaving you here. Merlin at least had tea ready. What did you say your name was?"

"Gwaine."

"Morgause Pendragon." Morgause said, shaking hands with Gwaine.

"I hear you work for MI6." He said, trying to start a conversation.

"Yes, I do." She said. Bummer, thought Gwaine, I was hoping she'd tell me more about it.

"So, what exactly do you do?" he asked, hoping that she wouldn't bite his head off or anything.

"Have you ever seen James Bond?" Morgause asked. Gwaine nodded in agreement. "Good. Well I'm like M, except in real-life. And I liaise with you lot at Special Ops. With Daddy as the head and Arthur and Morgana working here, I guess I'm best suited for that job. Although my darling siblings do have a habit of leaving me with the most hopeless, unable and incompetent people they can find, while they conveniently run off whenever I visit."

"Maybe you scare them a little." Gwaine said, then realised he'd said it out loud. To his surprise, Morgause laughed.

"Really? Oh well." Suddenly a secretary came in with a tray of tea and biscuits. Gwaine definitely hadn't ordered them, and he wasn't sure how Morgause had. Morgause poured herself a cup of tea and took a sip. Gwaine just sat there. "So," she said, "How would you describe what you do here?" she asked.

"Umm, well, do you know Torchwood?" he asked.

"Yes…" she smiled.

"Well, I guess we're kind of like that, but fewer aliens."

Morgause grinned. "Gwaine," she said, "I think that's the best description of the work you do I've heard." Gwaine wasn't sure whether he was more pleased or terrified that he'd actually received _praise _from _Morgause_. From all accounts he'd heard, this was a_ very_ rare occurrence.


	9. Snap!

"Just stay there, be quiet, don't do anything to attract too much attention to yourselves and don't do anything stupid. I won't be long." Arthur said, and he wandered off casually towards the elevator, leaving Gwaine and Merlin alone in the foyer.

"Why did we even have to come?" Gwaine moaned, collapsing on one of the posh-looking couches. People in smart business clothes walked swiftly past.

"I don't know…" Merlin said, sitting down next to Gwaine. "Arthur will probably be _ages._ This type of meeting goes on and on _and on_…"

The two just sat there for a minute, watching people watch them. Suddenly, Gwaine sat up straight.

"I've got it!" he said.

"Got what?" Merlin asked, confused.

"Something to do!" Gwaine said, and pulled a packet of playing cards out of his jacket pocket. "Morgause had a pack when I had to babysit her the other week, and we just played cards until you all returned, so I decided to carry a pack myself! And she was right, Merlin! They will come in handy."

"Why has Morgause never played cards with me when I've had to babysit her?" Merlin asked.

Gwaine shrugged. "Maybe it's just my _charm_." He teased, and flicked his long, perfect locks. Merlin rolled his eyes. Gwaine split the cards in half, and gave half to Merlin. "Snap?" he asked.

"Sure." Merlin said, and put down the first card on the ancient looking coffee table. Gwaine followed. Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine BANG! Gwaine slammed his hand down has two 7's came up in a row and took the pile. All heads in the foyer turned to the two young men. Gwaine ignored them and put down a new card. Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, BANG!

"Ha!" Merlin said, slamming his hand down on the pile, as he won the second round.

"Bummer." Said Gwaine. One of the receptionists gave them a death-glare. Merlin put a card down. Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, BANG! Merlin won again. Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin, Gwaine, Merlin BANG!

"Ouch! Gwaine, you practically just crushed my hand!"

"I'm nearly out of cards here Merlin!"

"So? You don't have to try to break my hand." Merlin said, collecting his winnings again. "It's not my fault you're terrible at snap." He looked around the foyer. "Once you run out of cards, maybe we should play something quieter. _Everyone_ is looking at us." Merlin said, a bit concerned about the attention that they were drawing toward themselves.

"They're just jealous that they're not playing too." Gwaine grinned, and put down the next card.


	10. Archive 301

**Note: Just a short one this time. I don't own Merlin, Doctor Who or Torchwood (kudos to anyone who gets the quotes/references).**

Arthur, Morgana, Merlin and Percy raced down the corridor and finally reached Archive 301.

"You can't go in there!" One of the building workers protested. "Archive 301 is out of bounds! Entry is prohibited!"

"Do we _look_ like 'entry is prohibited' kind of people?" Arthur asked, holding up the two rather large guns he had strapped around his body.

"But the door's locked!" the worker continued to protest.

"Not for long." Percy said, and with one nicely aimed kick, the lock shattered and the door swung open.

"Don't worry, we'll clean it up later." Morgana gave the worker a small smile, before following the boys into Archive 301.

"Bloody Special Ops." The worker muttered.


	11. A Surprise for Arthur

Arthur and Merlin stepped out of the elevator into, both looking rather dashing in their tuxedos, but Arthur got quite a surprise when he saw Gwen, Elyan, Percy and Gwaine all waiting around in their everyday clothes.

"Why aren't you lot dressed?" he asked, rather annoyed. "We're all needed at the Gala tonight."

"There is no Gala, Arthur." Morgana appeared, wearing a long black formal dress, with a black fur shall over her shoulders. "We made it up. _We're_ going to the ballet." She grinned.

"What?" Arthur exclaimed, going a little pale.

"It's your birthday on Tuesday, and since we won't be able to celebrate it then, Morgause and I thought tonight would be a good opportunity." Morgana explained.

"Mor_gause_…" Arthur said. He noticed everyone else was grinning. Were they _all_ in on it?

"Yes, me." Morgause said, walking through the front door. "Car's here. Best not to too keep everyone waiting. Come on Arthur, you'll have a great night."

"We're going to the _ballet_." Arthur said, as Morgause took his arm. "You and Morgana will have a good time more like." He complained. "Isn't this meant to be for _my_ birthday?"

"It is for your birthday. It's not easy getting a private box to opening night." Morgana smiled.

"Well at least Merlin has to come too." Arthur said, looking at his friend who was also dressed in a tux.

"I'm not coming." Merlin said, at tad sheepish. "I just got dressed so that you wouldn't suspect anything…"

Arthur glared at Merlin. "_Mer_lin!" he said crossly. "Well, what are you lot going to do all night?" Arthur asked, looking around the room.

"We're still deciding between either a poker tournament or a Mario Kart tournament." Percy said.

"But since you won't be here, and you suck at both, I guess it doesn't really matter." Gwaine grinned.

Arthur fumed. Morgana took his other arm. "Best get going. See you all when we get home." She said. Everyone said goodbye as Morgause and Morgana lead Arthur down to the car.

"Backseat, Arthur." Morgause said, as she took the passage seat and Morgana went around to the driver's seat.

Arthur sighed. "Why would you get a private box if there are only three of us? Aren't they for four?" he asked as he opened the car door.

"I do believe that I make four." Said a voice in the backseat.

"Grampa!" Arthur exclaimed happily, forgetting that he was supposed to be cross at his sisters, as he climbed in.

"You're sisters roped me into coming with you." Grampa teased and added, "With it being my birthday last week, and yours this week, and an opening night at the ballet on the weekend in-between, I guess they just couldn't resist!"

"You used to go to the ballet all the time with Granny, didn't you?" Morgause asked.

"Right you are, Miss MI6. Granny and I were regulars. We'd take you girls sometimes when you were children. Never these opening night extravaganzas though. Just a nice Saturday matinée." Grampa smiled.

"You do looking dashing in your penguin suit with all your badges on." Morgause smiled to her grandfather. The old man had more than a fare collection of military badges pinned to his jacket that he had collected from his years in service.

"Yes, well with you girls in all your sparkly 'bling', I guess I had to compete somehow!" he beamed, obviously very proud of his quite attractive grandchildren.

Morgana drove out through the security gates and onto the road. "I've arranged for dinner beforehand and there'll be champagne at interval." She smiled to Arthur and Grampa in the rear-view mirror.

"I'll admit that you are good at surprises, Morgana." Arthur said. He was genuinely impressed with his sister's efforts. "I can't believe that the other's all kept it a secret though. Especially Merlin and Gwaine. They usually can't even go to the bathroom without letting half of Special Ops know."

Morgana grinned. "It's amazing what people can achieve when paid the right price." She said, and winked to Arthur. Damn his sisters were shifty, he thought.


	12. Computers

**Note: I do not own Merlin or The IT Crowd.**

"Stupid thing doesn't bloody work!" Gwaine said, bashing his computer keyboard on the desk.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?" Merlin asked him, not even bothering to look up from his computer.

"Are you sure it's turned on?" Elyan asked.

"What?" Gwaine asked.

"Press the big black button with the red ring around it and see what happens." Elyan said, and looked over his own computer to where Gwaine was struggling.

"Oh." Gwaine said, and pressed it, his computer coming to life. "Right. Never mind."

"Yeah, thought so." Elyan said, getting back to his work, but he couldn't help having a small chuckle about Gwaine's pathetic computer skills.


	13. Fire

Note: I do not own Merlin or Harry Potter.

"MERLIN LIT THE BLOODY PLACE ON FIRE!" Arthur yelled and came racing through the building, past Gwaine and Morgana, toward the exit.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO!" Merlin yelled, running after him. Morgana and Gwaine could see flames leaping up the wall. An old firearms warehouse on fire was _not _a safe place to hang around in.

Fifteen minutes later, the four were sitting in the SUV, a few blocks down the road from the warehouse, watching as the fire crew tried to contain the flames.

"Well _that_ went well, no thanks to _Mer_lin." Arthur said, rather annoyed.

"I didn't mean to." Merlin said. He was feeling quite bad for destroying all the evidence they were looking for.

"Now we have to write up incident reports…" Gwaine moaned.

"I don't even know how I did it…" Merlin said, mostly to himself.

"Look, just be grateful that we're all alive," Morgana said, "and at least that no one can trace it back to us."

"Has anyone seen my ID badge?" Gwaine asked, patting him pockets. "I _know_ I had it before…"

The others looked at Gwaine, then at the burning building in front of them.

"You had _better_ hope it's been reduced to ashes…" Morgana said, annoyed, and she started the engine. If anyone was to leave evidence that they'd been there behind, it just had to be Gwaine.


	14. Sports

Merlin sat in the backseat of the car, squeezed between Leon and Gwaine. At least the windows were down, as Morgana had only allowed that after Leon, having had a ham sandwich for lunch had 'accidently' floated a few air biscuits.

"Ok, I assume everyone understands what they're to do once we arrive?" Arthur asked from the comfort of the front seat, after they'd managed to get enough clean air back into the SUV.

"Why are you always in charge?" Gwaine moaned.

"Because I'm highest ranking?" Arthur asked, not sure if Gwaine's question was serious or not.

"I've never been the leader." Gwaine whined, leaning on the window. "It's always been Arthur, , or Leon…"

"Are you still smarting because you missed out on being soccer captain at school?" Arthur asked. Arthur had held the position of soccer captain 'back in the day'. He had been the school's best shooter by far, as well as being a great sportsman in general. "You didn't get that because of the time you sling-tackled our opponents goalie."

Gwaine made a non-committal grunt.

"Or being cricket captain?" Leon asked. Leon had been cricket captain, his highest score had been 314 not out, and they'd had to call it a day because all the other teams bowlers had literally given up, and half of their team had just left. "You may have been our best spin-bowler, but I think you missed out on captaincy because of that time you punched the other team's batsmen and knocked him out."

"How did _that_ happen?" Morgana asked, intrigued.

"He was giving me lip!" Gwaine said, trying to defend himself. Everyone looked at him. "He said I needed a haircut." He admitted quietly.

"Nothing's changed there!" Merlin teased.

"There was also that time you shoved the umpire into the fence." Arthur added.

"And that time when you 'accidentally' through your bat at the wicket-keeper." Leon reminded everyone.

"Also when you caused the Great All-in Brawl of '04 after making inappropriate comments about someone's mum, or sister, or girlfriend or something."

"It was great-grandma." Gwaine corrected Arthur.

"Don't worry, I was never captain of anything either." Merlin smiled, trying to cheer Gwaine up.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur said, "you generally have to make the team first _before_ you can be captain."

"I played hockey once!" Merlin interjected, trying to make himself not look completely hopeless at sport.

"Only because most of the actual team was in Ireland for a soccer tournament." Arthur reminded him.

"Weren't you knocked out though?" Morgana asked.

"Well…sport wasn't my strong point!" Merlin complained.

"It still isn't." Gwaine teased.


	15. Diplomatic Papers

**Note: I do not own Yes Minister or Merlin.**

Arthur sat at his desk, trying to figure out what this document Merlin had been handing around was all about.

"I don't get it." He said quite frustrated, throwing the papers onto his desk. "It's all a load of codswallop. Are we meant to agree or disagree? I don't even understand the issue. I don't even know what the issue is!"

"It's a basic diplomatic statement." Merlin said, sitting back down at his own desk.

"They why has it been sent to us? Shouldn't the Foreign Office be dealing with it? Or MI6? This seems more like something for Morgause than us." Arthur complained. He hated paperwork, in particular paperwork that he couldn't even make head or tails of.

"It is considered to be of a '_special nature'_." Merlin said.

"Is that not what MI6 is for?"

"Not exactly," Merlin said, "this is one of those cases that we need to decide what to do about, in order to send a dispatch to inform MI6 and the Defence Chief of how we plan to handle it, so that they can tell the ministerial advisors how the situation will work, so that the ministerial advisors can put the idea into the heads of the ministers themselves, who can then, while sitting in government, can think that the whole solution to the situation was their idea in the first place, when it was actually ours all along."

"Merlin, you're making less sense than this bloody paper!" Arthur exclaimed, now very cross. "So what do we do? Issue a statement?"

"As usual," Merlin said, as although he was not very good at sports, he made up for it when it can to advising Arthur on sticky administrational situations such as this, "we have the usual six options:  
>One: do nothing.<br>Two: issue a statement deploring the paper.  
>Three: lodge an official protest.<br>Four: cut off aid.  
>Five: break off diplomatic relations.<br>And six: declare war."

"So we…declare war?" Arthur asked, completely confused.

"No." Merlin said, being at quite a loss as to how Arthur was in a more senior position to him when Arthur seemed to have no idea how sensitive issues such as these worked. Well, he thought, when your father is head of the organisation, anything can happen…  
>"If we do nothing, it will look as though we agree with the paper, which we do not;<br>Two, if we issue a statement, we just look foolish and that the only person who even read the paper was the secretary;  
>Three, if we lodge a protest, it will be ignored;<br>Four, we can't cut off aid, because we don't send them any;  
>Five, if we break off diplomatic relations, Morgause will be over here within minutes, because she's spent ages working on the inside to build them up, and an angry Morgause is the last thing we need;<br>and six, if we declare war, it might look as though we're over-exaggerating!"

Arthur just sat there looking stunned for a moment. "Then what the _hell _are _we_ supposed to do, Merlin?" he asked.

"Oh that's up to you." Merlin smiled. "You're in charge after all."


	16. Emails

"Morgana!" Arthur exclaimed. "It's an absolute disaster. It's horrible. I've got no idea what to do about it."

"What on earth's going on?" Morgana asked her brother.

"Have you checked your emails?" Arthur asked.

"Arthur, I literally _just _stepped out of the elevator. I've been out all day. What do you think?"

"Well, I don't know! Maybe you had."

"I _have_ been working, you know." Morgana said, a bit annoyed.

"Yes, I know, now listen. We've got a problem."

"If you've got a problem with your emails, get Elyan to fix it, Arthur."

"No, it's not the email account, it's an email that I got –"

"If you're getting Spam, tell Elyan and _he will fix it_. Not me." Morgana was getting quite frustrated now. Couldn't Arthur just get to the point?

"I got an email from dad asking to be his friend on Facebook. DAD. HAS. FACEBOOK." Arthur finally reached the point.

"Oh," Morgana said, rather concerned. "Well, we might just need to get that removed, then. I'm sure Elyan can 'accidentally' have father's page deleted or something to that effect." She said.

"Sounds like a plan." Arthur agreed, and they set off to find Elyan.


	17. The Menu

Arthur looked up from his menu, with a rather disgusted look on his face,

"Merlin, there is _nothing_ on here I will eat." He said quietly. Uther had originally forced Arthur and Morgana along to some special function celebrating himself or something, but Morgana had somehow weaselled out of it, so Arthur had made Merlin come with him instead.

Merlin looked at his superior officer in disbelief. There were many things he'd never had expected Arthur to say, such as "I don't feel like lunch today", "I'm full", "maybe we should wait for reinforcements" or "It's ok Merlin, I'll do my own paperwork this time", but refusing to eat anything on the menu, well that was definitely unexpected.  
>"Nothing at all?" Merlin asked.<p>

"No, nothing. It's all disgusting. Sheep brains. Fish heads. Cow liver. Oysters."

"What's wrong with oysters?"

"Merlin, do you remember what happened last time I ate oysters?"

Merlin did remember. Arthur had had food poisoning and hadn't been able to keep anything down for a few days. It hadn't been pretty. "Yes, I remember. It's not _that_ bad. I mean, you eat that meatloaf stuff we sometimes get for lunch back at base. I wouldn't touch that stuff with a ten-foot-pole and you scoff it down."

"_Mer_lin," Arthur warned. He was getting hungry, and by the look of the menu, he wouldn't be eating until they got back to base, which could be hours. Unless… "You haven't got any emergency sandwiches, do you Merlin?" Arthur asked, hopeful.

Merlin looked at him sadly. "Arthur, I'm in a tux. Where do you think I'm hiding the emergency sandwiches?"

"But you always have the emergency food!" Arthur cried.

"Well right now, I don't have a back-pack to keep it all in, do I?" Merlin snapped, getting annoyed at Arthur.

"Can I get you anything?" A waitress asked them.

"No we're right." Arthur grumbled. The waitress turned to go, but Merlin suddenly had an idea.

"Actually, can you bring us a bottle of brown sauce?" Merlin asked.

"Pardon?" asked the waitress.

"Brown sauce. We need a bottle of it. Thanks." Merlin smiled.

"Ok." Said the waitress and disappeared.

"_Mer_lin," Arthur moaned, "This is about an eight-star restaurant. What the hell are you getting brown sauce for?"

Merlin just smiled as the girl reappeared with a silver sauce boat full of brown sauce. "There you go." She said, placing it in front of Merlin, before disappearing again. Merlin picked up the sauce boat and put it in front of Arthur.

"Cover your brains in that. It's what you do to everything else you eat." Merlin smiled, very satisfied with himself.

Arthur just rolled his eyes, but was secretly very grateful. Everything tastes better with brown sauce, probably even brains and liver. "But I'm still not eating the oysters." Arthur grinned; giving Merlin what he thought was a small punch in the arm, but actually almost knocked Merlin off his chair.


	18. I'm the Doctor, this is Rose

**A/N: I don't own anything referenced or referred to in here. And thanks heaps to everyone for reviews, favourites and alerts! **

"Ok everyone, half an hour. Let's get in, get what we need, and get out again. Ok?" Arthur asked.

Everyone mumbled that they understood. They'd only been over the mission about 400 times – or so it felt.

"Half an hour and be back at the cars. Stay with your partner. Is everyone clear?"

"Arthur, for goodness sake, let's go, ok?" Morgana said, getting frustrated with her brother's pep talks.

"Right yep, ok. Half an hour."

The team split into their pairs and headed into the building.

XXX

"Arthur will be so impressed. It's only taken us just over 20 minutes." Morgana smiled, as she and Merlin headed toward the exit. Their mission had been simple, get in, get the papers, get out.

"What are doing?" came a call. Merlin and Morgana turned around. A security guard was following them down the hallway. "Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm the Doctor, this is Rose." Merlin said the first thing that popped into his mind.

"Doctor who?" asked the guard, clearly missing the reference, to both Merlin and Morgana's delight.

"Doctor…um…Harry Cunningham." Merlin said.

"And what are you doing, Doctor Cunningham?" The guard asked, again missing the reference.

"We're here for…"

"Health and Safety." Morgana finished the sentence for Merlin, who was quickly running out of ideas. "Possible anthrax scare. The Doctor's an expert. Documents about…everything being up to scratch." She said, waving the papers in her hand, that were certainly not anthrax scares.

"Right, well, sorry about that then. Got to check, you know. Good day."

Merlin and Morgana nodded and had only just turned to head off before the guard called again. "Hold up one moment!" They froze and turned around, but he wasn't talking to them. Gwaine, Leon and Percy had just turned into the hallway. Leon saw Merlin and Morgana, and knew what he'd have to do.

"Who are you?" the guard asked Leon.

"Ah – Ron Weasley." Leon said, using the first name that came to mind. "And these are Bertie Wooster and Jonathon Creek." He said, gesturing to Percy and Gwaine, who both looked slightly disappointed with the fake names Leon gave them.

"And why are you here?"

"Er – engineers. Checking the structural framework. With all the recent rain – got to check the building is still stable."

"And what's in there?" the guard asked, gesturing to the two boxes being held by Percy and Gwaine.

"Soil samples." Leon quickly lied, praying the guard wouldn't check. "Sorry, but if you don't mind we have to keep moving." He said, and headed toward Merlin and Morgana.

"Ron Weasley?" Morgana whispered, trying not to laugh.

"Shut up." Leon smiled. "First thing that came to mind. What did you two say?"

"Merlin was bright enough to say that he was the Doctor and I'm Rose."

"Does that man _not_ watch TV or something?" Gwaine whispered.

"Hang on there!" The guard called again.

"_Now_ what?" Morgana said, turning once more to see that Elyan and Lance had just stepped out of an elevator.

"You don't work here!"

"No we don't…" Elyan said, spotting the other five, who quickly gave him _lie through your teeth _looks.

"And so you might be…"

"Will Turner and Jack Harkness." Lance quickly said, understanding the gist of what needed to be done.

"And you do…"

"Maintenance?" Elyan asked, a tad confused as to whether he was meant to be Will or Jack.

"Yeah, we're maintenance men." Lance said, much more confidently. "Leaking taps in the fourth floor bathroom."

"_Right_." Said the guard. He seemed to be catching on that something was a bit suspicious about all these people appearing at once.

"Got to keep moving. Other buildings to…maintain." Elyan said, and he and Lance caught up to the rest of the group.

"Have you got the info?" Merlin whispered.

"All on USB stick." Elyan smiled, patting his pocket.

"We really need to get a move on now, or Arthur will crack it if we're late back." Leon said, and everyone they were almost out of the foyer when they heard the guard again.

"Let me guess, you're Romeo and Juliet?"

The group turned and saw that Gwen and Arthur had appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Had the guard finally caught on? Arthur saw the group, and understood the situation.

"Sorry, I'm the Doctor, this is Rose." Arthur said.

"But he said he's the Doctor and she's Rose!" The guard exclaimed, pointing to Merlin and Morgana. Arthur shot Merlin a death-look. The guard turned back to Arthur and Gwen. "Doctor Cunningham he said he was. Health and safety."

"Who said what?" Gwen asked.

"He did! The skinny bloke and the dark-haired girl!"

"What skinny bloke and dark-haired girl?" Arthur asked.

"Them!" The guard said, and turned around, but Merlin, Morgana and the rest of the gang had disappeared. "But they were right there!" The guard said and turned back to Arthur and Gwen, but they too had disappeared. Wandering off bewildered, the guard decided that a nice cup of tea was in order, with all these anthrax scares, leaking taps, structural damage and disappearing Doctors-and-Roses.


	19. iPads

**A/N: Rather shameless promotion of the new season of Downton Abbey which is coming soon, and which I do not own. Nor do I own any products made by Apple. **

"MORGANA!" Arthur yelled crossly, as he marched over to her room. He flung the door open.

"You're allowed to knock." Morgana said, looking up from a book.

"You were watching Downton Abbey!"

"So?"

"ON MY IPAD!"

"I do know what I was doing."

"You downloaded it using MY ITUNES."

"You should have logged out."

"It's MY IPAD!"

"Would you like me to give you a tenner to pay for it?"

"I'd like you to not use MY IPAD. You have your own!"

"The battery died."

"Then charge it!"

"I am. But I wanted to watch Downton Abbey in the meantime." Morgana smiled sweetly. Arthur looked like he might explode.

"Don't download your girly crap onto my iPad. And stay out of my room and don't touch my stuff!"

"I'm glad we can discuss this like adults."

"I hate you sometimes Morgana Pendragon!" Arthur yelled, slamming Morgana's door behind him and stalked back to his room.

"I love you too Arthur darling!" Morgana called after him.

Arthur felt like punching something. Morgana just laughed and went back to her book.


	20. Arthur's List

Arthur had had one of those days. He could make a list of everything that had gone wrong. In fact, he did. He was sitting at his computer bashing at the keys because he was so cross. This list looked as follows:

Everything that went wrong today:

1. No bacon at breakfast. Also eggs were too runny.

2. Elyan has a cold so couldn't train this morning.

3. Percy dislocated his thumb while wrestling Gwaine (which they should NOT have been doing) during training, had to go to Gaius. So with two team members missing, called training off.

4. Morgause called on telephone and had to listen to her rant about how much she hates everyone for half an hour before she invited herself to dinner.

5. Merlin backed one of the SUVs into dad's Mercedes. What _Merlin_ was doing behind the wheel of one of the SUVs is beyond me.

6. Only grain bread available at lunch. And Leon took the last three sausages.

7. Caught Lance and Gwen in compromising situation outside locker-rooms.

8. Got told by Sir Geoffrey that I had four weeks' worth of overdue paperwork.

9. Had to tell Gwaine that unless he got his bloody paperwork done and on my desk so I could sign off on it by 6 this evening he would be chained to his desk with no food until it was done.

10. Father uploaded embarrassing videos of self and sisters as small children to YouTube. Pretty sure that's a security breach, v. humiliating and WTF? Since when could dad upload stuff?

11. Day old fruit bread for afternoon tea. No pudding or scones or decent fruit.

12. Sir Geoffrey came back. Told self that he made a mistake, actually four months' worth or paperwork not filed.

13. Found Gwaine playing Mario Kart with Elyan (doing his best to disease everyone) and Merlin (very sheepish after morning's incident with SUV. Hope he gets Elyan's disease). Told him to get to his desk and do his bloody paperwork NOW. G replied that he would go to his desk, only he couldn't find it due to mountain of papers around it. Whacked him.

14. Went for run, but it rained. Got soaked. Not happy.

15. No hot water in showers. Not sure why, but have to complain to father.

16. Beans at dinner were overcooked. Must have been on the boil since midday. Potatoes were undercooked. Meat was ok, but too much pepper in gravy. Plus Morgause was there.

17. Wanted to watch all-new Top Gear on big TV, but Gwen and Morgana were watching Silent Witness re-runs. On DVD.

So I am now sitting at my desk, looking at Gwaine try to sort his paperwork ("Hey look! My gran sent me a Christmas card last year and it has money in it!" "What's more urgent, yellow forms with blue covers, or blue forms with green covers?" "Why has this got Morgana's name on it? Oh, she was leader that day. Riiight."). Worst day of my life. Ever.


	21. Jimmy Choo's

ArthurPendragon: at!GwenCarys you MUST come and see the pair of red strappy #JimmyChoo's I bought. SO pretty. Can't wait for an excuse to wear them!

MerlinE: at!ArthurPendragon, umm…#JimmyChoo's? #thatsabitweird

Gwaine32: at!ArthurPendragon WFT mate?

PercyHD: at!ArthurPendragon are you feeling alright? Anything you need to tell us?

TheLadyMorgana: Oops sorry everyone. I'm on at!ArthurPendragon's laptop and he doesn't log himself out.

ArthurPendragon: at!TheLadyMorgana WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT TOUCHING MY STUFF?

GwenCarys: at!TheLadyMorgana where did you buy them? High heels?

TheLadyMorgana: at!GwenCarys from the #JimmyChoo website. Of course they're high heels, what else would I buy?

TheLadyMorgana: and at!ArthurPendragon then don't leave your stuff lying around the mess room. #cleanupafteryourself

ArthurPendragon: at!TheLadyMorgana WHY DID YOU THINK YOU COULD GO SHOE SHOPPING ON MY LAPTOP?

TheLadyMorgana: #LifeWouldBeBetter if at!ArthurPendragon didn't get so angry every time I touched his stuff.

Gwaine32: Hey at!ArthurPendragon talking to at!TheLadyMorgana like that #willgetyouslapped #thingsidliketosee

ArthurPendragon: at!TheLadyMorgana YOU BETTER NOT HAVE USED MY PAYPAL #LIFEWOULDBEBETTER IF MY SISTER USED HER OWN STUFF AND NOT MINE

TheLadyMorgana: at!ArthurPendragon. Settle down little brother, I used my own.

MerlinE: at!ArthurPendragon I think you've got cap locks stuck on

ArthurPendragon: at!MerlinE #shutup


End file.
